Surreal India

I can now safely say that I have had one of the most surreal experiences of my life: I watched Rambo 4 in a cinema in Chennai, India. Amongst hundreds of screaming and cheering fans, I sat huddled at the edge of my Laz-e-boy recliner with Freddy, a Brit as enthusiastic about needless violence and a shitty dialogue in films as myself. We rolled up newspaper into headbands and donned them like the warrior that is Rambo.

But first thing's first. We were encouraged to stand at full attention as the Indian national anthem rose in power to greet us. And what a moving anthem it was, even though we couldn't understand the Hindi. The song even came with moving pictures of the Indian flag blowing at full mast and a man singing in the studio, who was one of the most renowned singers in India, as I would later learn. Sitting down, the lights dimmed further and we were enrobed in the beginning of Rambo 4.
The opening sequence saw much bloodshed and tears; the cinema remained quiet and unmoved. Ten minutes in, Rambo made his appearance capturing a writhing poisonous cobra in the amazon. The crowd went wild. Insane. For two solid minutes, the riotous crowd cheered, hooted and screamed. I couldn't help but join in the revelry. It's a natural reaction when seeing a film that infuses you with energy and excitement. There were explosions, much killing of bad guys, and the use of more graphic weapons, such as a machete and a bow and arrow. This ensured more extended death scenes, which moved the crowd even more. Men (the theater was 98% full of this testosterone fuelled sex) stood up to cheer on the bulging hero.

Speaking of bulge, I'm not too sure whether it was muscle, chemicals, or fat that clung to Sylvester's body. In many scenes, all I could focus on besides the dead dialogue and splashing blood, was Rambo's paunch and botoxed skin.

During the intermission, I managed to sneak to the loo. And what a washroom: marble floors and sinks, glass doors to the toilets, and full length mirrors, all pristinely clean. I have only ever seen tastefully designed washrooms like this at classy hotels, and I got the 5-star treatment with just my 100-rupee ticket, which is about 3 dollars Canadian. In the main lobby, the line for fuel, in the form of popcorn, red bull, coffee, and donuts, stretched and converged for meters. I couldn't be bothered- it was back into the noisy theatre for me and the obnoxiously loud jewelry commercials blaring from the screen. I have been to Sathyam cinema so many times that I finally managed to correctly mime the commercials, and even understand some of the dialogue.

Nonetheless, it made for good conversation as my English friend and I commented on everything in the film, from the lack of rivoting lines to the bad acting and cheesy stunts (I highly doubt that it was Sylvester rolling out of that truck at full speed). The unnecessarily long credit list (have you ever in your life seen "salad maker" or "chief fruit picker" in the credits?) made us roll with laughter.

Emerging into the still late night was surreal. After all the shouting, shoving, play fighting and cheering in the cinema, we were greeted with a cool breeze and a wall of impenetrable rickshaw drivers. We had to remember our senses as Freddie negotiated our rate home, and then we were off: fighting, smoking, growling, and punching all the way home. And I have the photos to prove it!

Valentines in the City

Toronto, Canada, is an eclectic, bustling city full of life and inspiration.
Never is this more evident than on holidays and during festivals when everyone celebrates together. Case in point is on February 14th, or Valentine's Day.
Queen West, the art-fashion bohemian mecca, is filled with ideas for decorating and dressing your best on this day. The store-fronts bloom with reds, pinks and various shades of white for the romantic passer-by. The main entertainment district on Richmond Street pumps music into the night crowd that gathers to mingle and party. The splayed out plazas get in on the love with V-day contests and sales. Events are advertised all over the city on flyers and through word of mouth; fashion shows, special dj sets, and parties are all put on in the name of Valentines Day. Kensington Market is awash with international flavor; the street vendors display only the most festive vintage imports. The organic food shops serve up delectable heart- shaped cupcakes, tarts, and pies.If you're looking for something to do with your sweety, you have to act quickly because dinner reservations fill up weeks ahead. There is no end to the romantic choices available. A walk through the historic University of Toronto Campus and the near by park, art gallery hopping, baking your own cake at Pie in the Sky Bakery, and selecting the perfect bouquet at one of many florist shops in the city are all on the menu.For the single guy and gal, parties, spa treatments and special "singles night" events add fun to this day.
Many people in the city even reject Valentine's day as a holiday worth celebrating. But this set usually have "anti- Valentine" events to rock out at.
Nevertheless, Toronto remains one of the most interesting places to be on February 14th.

Valentine's Day Blues...Not

February the 14th is supposed to be a day for couples, the one day of each year delegated to showing your love for the significant other in your life. One day. Even the concept of this Hallmark holiday is a little off; I say that there are ways to show affection every day of the year, why relinquish it to a mere 24 hours?
Oh, and there is the fact that not every person on this earth is in a relationship- in fact, most aren't. So when magazines comes out with V-day ideas for you and your hunny, what is a single gal to do- sulk, hide from your happily coupled pals, and eventually finish off a pint of Ben & Jerry's on your own? No. I won't stand for it and your sure won't, either. In lieu of the "romantic twosome" ideas spilling from the newstands during the next week, here is a list of things only a single girl can do on V-day- that's right, sometimes it only takes one.
1) Scam on cuties:
Ok, so this one is self-evident. But isn't it truly a relief when you see a fine man to admire without feeling guilty? Hell, let's go one step further, maybe you can even talk to said man! The city is a playground for guy-watching. Cafes, restaurants, movie theatres...even libraries are breeding grounds for this sport. It's pure fun and adrenaline to have a girls night at a club or bar and feel free to do whatever you please because there isn't an anxious and nearly jealous man reeling in the background.
2) Journey as you please:
Hm...I think I want to go to India in 6 months. No problem, right? For the single girl, no, but for the coupled one, the answer is a big fat yes. Imagine what things must be kept in consideration because of him: what about us? Are you breaking up with me? How long will you be gone for? Why can't I come? These are endless and tiresome. Most of all, they make one feel less independent and more constrained. Most of the time, there are no answers to these questions, since travel doesn't follow an itinerary when on the road solo.
True, you could bring Mr. hubby on the trip with you, but do you really want to spend every waking second in very close quarters with the man who is supposed to find you sexy, and vice versa? No chance of that when you see grooming habits, hear snoring...the list can go on for ages. Independent travel with no qualms on the home front is best.
3) Perks at your disposal:
Picture this; you're on your own at the movie store with a d.v.d. in hand. Three heavily- laden men stand between you and your movie watching. What's a cute single gal to do? Cutesy it up, of course, and ask the lads if they "wouldn't mind if I just buy this movie and rush home because my puppy needs a walk." Add in a hair twirl and lip bite for effect. In general, men love single girls. I mean, that's just how it is in most situations where you can use that charm. Ask and you shall receive.
4) Love and pamper yourself:
Think about it, if there is no guy to take up your time, all of the attention can go to yourself, your friends and family. Your life can follow your own direction, rather than having to keep one other person in consideration all the time. It's a "me", rather than "us", thing, and that's empowering.