The First

Not only should it be made illegal to post misrepresentations of yourself online, but also compensation should be offered to those affected. A few night ago, that would have been for me. Meeting people from the internet isnt the smartest thing to do, but I try everything once, so there I was at Bathurst at 7 waiting for my knight in shining armor. If you didn't get the sarcasm, stop reading now.
So he doesn't know where the fuck he is and blames it on me. "Uhm, I'm on the East side of Bloor, right at Pizza Pizza".
So I tell him I'm there.
"Are you THAT bad with directions?" he says, exasperated for no clear reason.
Clearly this one isn't the most charming of guys. I give him the benefit of the doubt. I meet him with a smile and his first words include something about him being mad at me for being late, expressed in a way that made me doubt his sexual preference. Ok, maybe he's just nervous.
Well, Mr. Nervous walks 1 foot ahead of me at all times, maybe because in his home country that is not considered rude. Come to think of it, I think it's rude everywhere.
We arrive at the "best place for dessert" or something like that. Converstaion flows easily. Except for his occasional usage of the word "gay" and "retarded" to describe something unappealing, it goes without a hitch. Then the server comes over. He barks out an order, saying he wants an iced tea- then he orders water for me. No pleases or thank yous over here. I'm pissed. I dislike the idea of anyone being disrespected like that, and my sympathies went out to that waitress.
Converstaion resumes. I become wicked, poking fun at him. Unlike the meal, his reaction is less than appetizing. He cringes, goes silent, has no response, and provides me with a lack of laughter. It's like I take away his pride with every joke. Seeing this reaction, and keeping in mind my feelings (or lackthereof) for this guy at this point, I continue to slyly berate him.
He finally interrupts me with a question- what is my zodiac sign. Shit- does it matter? I tell him this. I have no time for little boys playing at Casanova. I'm desperately hoping for him to wisen up. No such thing happens. He guesses- maybe I'm a gemini, I mean, he IS getting a gemini vibe from me. The only twins he's getting a vibe from are the pair under my shirt- and it's called lust.
He finally figures out I'm a cancer. "Oh, that's too bad. We'll never be good together". Wow, I figured that out an hour ago with the first words excliamed from your mouth.
I improvised and told him I had to leave right away since my friend was in dire straits. He bought it and we walked to the subway. After the ackward hug, he began to pull my face into his. I coudn't duck my head fast enough; he slammed into my forehead. I stated imply that I didn't kiss on the first date. He looked as if I had taken away his manhood. Oh wait, I don't care.
In a nutshell, that is my first encounter with an on-line guy.
Lessons learned so far: ask for several recent high-res pictures, avoid guys wearing long leather piss-catcher shoes, and leave before things get ugly. The end.