The Dating Diaries: Creeps

Meeting people on-line has a negative stigma surrounding it. Every person on the Net is seen as a potential predator hiding behind a mask of anonymity. And this mistrust is well founded, as demonstrated by the amount of media focused on the dangers of meeting someone from the Internet. It makes sense, since you don't really know the person on the other end of the conversation. For all you know, Mr. cute blonde university student you are chatting up could be a sixty-year old man sitting in his basement petting chickens.

But however unappealing and frightening that scenario would be, there is still something exponentially worse.

Think about knowing someone, spending time with them, and feeling safe around them, only to be taken advantage of and manipulated.

I met Shik* at a friend's party. He seemed normal, "seemed" being the pro-active word. I wouldn't say that I was attracted to him, since he was definitely not my type, but he made me laugh and the conversation flowed. I found out about his past, family and we chatted about common interests.

He added me on Facebook a week later. Since he was going to "delete his account", I gave him my number.

I found out he rock-climbed and I thought it would be a great opportunity for a a new partner, since my brother doesn't go as often as me.

He picked me up in his brand new black convertible one night and took me out for dinner, drinks, a festival, and a concert. All in one night. Then he drove me home- keep in mind I live half an hour out of his way. By this time, I suppose it was obvious that he expected something back, and it wasn't in any form I was ready to give. I still held to the idea that he was in it for a good time, sex not included. Included rhymes with... deluded- coincidence?

A late-night party was in store for me the next day. Unfortunately, I had nowhere to go. My choices: go home via "vomit comet" (the TTC's Yonge St. late night service bus), pay 30$ to stay at a hotel with friends, or sleep on my friend's kitchen floor. I chose none of the above. An idea formed in my non-too-practical mind. I rationalized that since I would be staying out until 5, I just had to kill time for a few hours until the subway started running in the morning. All of my friends would be sleeping as soon as they returned to their respective lodgings and I needed someone to stay out with me at that dangerous time of night...

Shik was more than happy to oblige. Before I left my place that night, we made plans to meet up at 5 a.m. (post-partying) to eat at Fran's. My night was set and my gut was at ease.

A night of party madness ensued. Needless to say- best night in a while. I called him at 4:30 from the club where I was at. He told me that he was too drunk to go out and didn't "feel" like food anymore. He continually complained that he wanted to stay home. I felt a little iffy. Had he planned this all along- to trap me into a one night stand? Maybe if I played like I was going home on my own, he would oblige to take me out. After all, this was someone I thought was upstanding.

I asked what he proposed. You can guess the answer. Something along the lines of him paying for my taxi to get to his place and a night of "chilling". This really should have set off alarms in my head, but all I could think was how much my feet hurt in these pumps and how I just wanted a warm sofa and a glass of water...

I arrived at around 5:00 a.m. and went up to his condo. Brand new, fully furnished, one bedroom, wood floors, big screen T.V. and computer. Very nice. I exclaimed such before making a bee-line for the sofa. I settled in for the night- on the sofa.

"I think I'll sleep here tonight" I yawned, after some initial stabs at light conversation. He looked disappointed and his eyes bugged out slightly, as if to say 'after all that, you're not even going to sleep with me?!' He let out as much, continually hinting to his bed, and outright blurting out a few times "my bed is super comfortable and big. I'm not going to try anything, but it's, like, there." I'm so sure that he was worried about my comfort and not his penis.

After 20 minutes of grinding it into his head I was not going to sleep anywhere near him, he let up and slumped into his bedroom...leaving the door open.

I couldn't and wouldn't sleep. My eyes were dry, but I couldn't close them, and when I did, I didn't feel the pull of sleep. I stayed up for hours like this. What disturbed me more was him coming out of his room on a few occasions to just walk around the apartment. Now that I think of it, he was most likely checking if I was asleep. But the reason for this was slightly different from what I had initially thought.

I opened my eyes and the sun streamed in. He was snoring in his bedroom. I stayed in my position, thinking of the best way to leave. Now. Before I could move a limb, he came out of the bedroom. With my eyes closed, I hoped I looked like I was sleeping. He stood un-moving for a while before going into the bathroom. This was my chance! As I quietly slid the covers off of my legs, I heard something that no one wants to hear from such close proximity. This guy was having some serious stomach issues- and the toilet got the brunt of it. From his ass.

I bolted for the door, my shoes and purse in hand. As the shower was turned off, the front door clicked shut. I was out. I didn't walk- I ran- to the elevators, pushed the button three times in anxiety and slammed myself in as soon as the door opened. I was free!

I never called him again. This experience gave snapped me back to reality and gave me some newfound self-realization. The reality part is that most guys are just after sex, not friendship or a relationship. I wasn't after either with Shik- just a good (paid for) good time. Which I got.

The realization part involved me knowing that I am not looking for a relationship. Or for a sex-buddy. But somewhere in between. What do you call that- oh yeah, dating. For now, I'm just starting to view the dating arena as a confusing one since everyone is after different things. But at least now I know exactly what I want and to avoid something I don't need.